Guided Imagery: An Ideal Partner Using the 5 Conditions of Secure Attachment
Take a moment to settle into your body. Leave the world of thinking for some time. Andyou’re your attention like a magnifying glass, starting at the top of your scalp, and just relaxing your facial muscles. As you scan down your body, continue to release any obvious tension, softening with each exhale. Feel the points of contact between your body and the chair, or floor. Make any final adjustments, and really feel supported by your posture.
Soon you’re going to imagine a scene, you are going to imagine yourself with a completely ideal mate or partner, a scene in which the way that the person is being with you makes you feel completely secure in the attachment relationship. Let’s begin today by just imagining yourself as you are now; filling the blank space of your imagination with an image of yourself. And then allow your attention to be in your body, looking out and you notice your ideal partner. Get very curious about their figure, the way they move, the tone of voice, that makes you feel completely secure when they are present. Taking a moment to set the intention to begin to allow yourself to really see this ideal partner there. Notice how attuned they are to every little shift in your movement, every shift in mood or behavior. But not in an intrusive way. Really take that in, noticing how spacious and safe it feels to have a partner that attuned to you. You can tell at a very deep level, that this person is safe, and totally present.
You can continue to shape and reshape the scene until it feels just right for you, just right, absolutely secure in the attachment relationship. Really taking what that feels like. As you imagine this person being with you in a way that’s so very secure, notice the effect that that has on your state of mind right now. You really take in what that feels like, really take it in.
This person is constantly present when you want them to be, you can see how consistently attentive they are to everything that you do. This person is genuinely interested and curious about everything that you do, everything that you discover about life. And the result of this, is you feel deeply seen and known, deeply seen and known. Experience what that’s like to feel so deeply seen and known in the mind of this partner and to have that feel safe and good. Notice the effect that has on your state of mind. And when that’s clear, you can let the scene fade.
Now that’s imagine the scene changing a little and imagine that you’ve become upset about something. Something small. Notice the ideal partner is emotionally responsive to you in just the way that you most need. They come over to you right away. You can feel the physical closeness and proximity to you and it feels good. You can directly sense the ways that this person is verbally reassuring to you when you’re upset. They make you feel that everything is really okay, it’s all okay.
Take in the various verbal and nonverbal ways that this ideal partner is being comforting and soothing to you. Imagine it in just the right way, getting confident in just what you need, and imagine that they are emotionally responsive to you in all the right ways. Go ahead and imagine the details of that now. And notice the effect that that has on your state of mind. Let the scene fade.
Next, imagine that your ideal partner is delighted not in what you do, or what you say. They are delighted in your very being. It lights them up. And they’re not subtle about this. They remind you every time you forget, that you are the most important thing; the thing that give their life the most meaning. You are the center of their life and they enjoy expressing this joy about who you are and how happy they are that you came into their life.
You can see that all of that positive expressed emotion is really about you. You make a direct link to the fact that all of that positive emotion is all about you. Notice that could feel good, and allow yourself to hold that good feeling.
Allow the scene to change, imagining how they’re not at all threatened by your individuality, they want you to find your best and strongest sense of self. Imagine a scene now where they are supporting you in just the right ways to bring out your best and strongest sense of self. You feel deeply supported to discover and explore life in new ways and bring out the best of each other.
Notice the sense of competence and confidence that comes when you’re supported like this. Just as your partner deeply believes in you, you come to easily and deeply believe in yourself and all that’s possible for you and what you can do. Imagine the quality of support from your ideal partner that contributes to that strongest and best self-development.
Return your attention to your body and your breath. Know that if any insight occurred, the body will remember. There’s nothing for you to figure out. And just close by gently counting backwards from 5 to 1, and 1 you will be fully present and settled. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Dr. Zack Bein